Today is the 6 year anniversary of the day my daughter Elizabeth came home to hospice care, from a devastating week in the ICU. This has been a week of many tears, and some small sense of almost-embarrassment – that it’s been this many years now, and these anniversaries are still so full of emotion. […]
Read more4 years of grief and peace
As this 4 year anniversary of my daughter Elizabeth’s death was approaching, I could feel the shimmering of grief in and around everything. I’ve been getting better and better at learning how to take care of myself, and I realized a few days ago that doing a ritual for Elizabeth with flowers and ashes on Haleakala […]
Read moreElizabeth’s 26th Birthday
Today, January 12, is Elizabeth’s birthday. She would be 26 today, if she were alive. Funny how our aging ends, and yet those who are left behind keep track, as if age and years were real. Yesterday I cried, all day. Relieved actually, as it felt like months of tears being released. My mind wondered why […]
Read morethis week
This week, I am crying at every little thing. Even sitting down to write a blog post makes me teary, and there’s nothing I’m particularly sad about in this moment. This week I am staying up late watching full seasons of shows I like, family dramas especially, and sobbing through them. So much emotion – […]
Read moreWith Night – a poem by Sabine Miller
Thank you Sabine, for this beauty. Sharing with love and appreciation. With Night – For Lucia on the anniversary of Elizabeth’s death Blue lacewing singing in the atrium at summer’s end coaxed into open palms where it stays even while being waved through the garden, oak crickets, old moonlight – Meanwhile soliloquies of poets and […]
Read moreSecond Anniversary
9/18/14 I am over the Pacific Ocean as I write, traveling from my home on Maui to Berkeley, California. My mother, in her wisdom, proposed the lovely idea of gathering in the Bay Area, inviting me to join her there, along with my sister who lives close by. My oldest friend and Elizabeth’s godmother lives […]
Read more
Gratitude
Today I am in deep gratitude. For Elizabeth, for life, for death and the ways it shapes us and transforms us. I have cried tears of gratitude twice already this morning. I am inspired to write. It is a good day. I just read an email from a dear friend of my daughter Elizabeth’s, with […]
Read moreMoments
It’s been so long since I’ve written, and I have much to share, but I’ll start with now, with today. The first email I opened today was from Jade Beall, saying her new book Bodies of Mothers, was being shipped, and had this photo of it fresh off the press. Although I knew these gorgeous […]
Read more
Luminous Blue 