long ago sweetness

For some reason I decided to log in to Elizabeth’s email account a few weeks ago, just to see if there was anything important there. I discovered she had folders that I’d not noticed before, and in one called “treasures” I found this beautiful birthday email she’d sent me, on my birthday, when she was 15. I had saved it, and was surprised to see she had too, among correspondence with special aunties, her sister and a couple others.

This is helpful for me to read when I occasionally let myself remember the very challenging times we had; the times when Elizabeth felt I’d betrayed her; the times she wanted more than I could give; the times she was hostile and rude to me and my partner, the times I was not the mother I’d hoped to be, wanted to be…

I hope it may be helpful for those of you who have teenagers, or who have lost your beloved child without the chance to hear or read these words, as I believe all our children feel this about their mothers, at some moments in time. I’m grateful she had the chance to put this into words at such a young age.


Hello Mom,
I hope you are having a wonderful birthday.  I have
arrived in San Diego but so far have no luck reaching
you by phone, so I am trying email.
Thank you for being born, for your soul coming in and
giving birth to my body, I think you are such a
wonderful Mother and such a wonderful human being.
Even if you weren’t my own personal Mom I would be so
lucky to be on this Earth at the same time as you!

You have taught me so much about being a woman, being
feminine and holding such great love for that.  You
have expressed so wonderfully to me deep mothering
beauty from the time you sang me songs as you held me,
to your belief that any kindergarden who didn’t take
me was suffering a loss, to standing with me and
trying to hold me as I yelled how I hated you and what
you were doing, to forcing me to go to public school
because you were following your intution, to saying
prayers to keep Brieana and me safe as we lived our
daring little lives, to saying yes to (visiting) Palenque and
allowing me to go and have one of the most decadently
amazing times of my life, to holding my hand as I
cried for a home I had left behind, to trusting my
judgement now and loving me.  I feel like from the
time you sang me songs, gave me life and breathed into
me your love, to all the journeys we have walked
together on this path we call life,
you have been my
constant source, an inspiration and probably the
greatest love of a daughter’s life.

Thank you for being, thank you for loving, thank you
for being born and thank you for my birth.
Thank you.
I love you


Elizabeth Blue, Jade Beall, Lucia Maya, Elizabeth Meagher
Elizabeth Blue and Lucia Maya, April, 2012 (photo by Jade Beall)


Lucia Maya

I live and write in Makawao, on Maui, Hawaii. I write on my blog about my experience with my daughter Elizabeth Blue, during the last year of her life living with cancer and dying in a state of grace. I follow my passion in my work, doing Energy Healing (Reiki, Karuna Reiki and Craniosacral work) and spiritual counseling, in person and at a distance, teaching Reiki and facilitating spiritual workshops. I have a blog on my LuminousAdventures.com site as well!

13 thoughts on “long ago sweetness

  1. How fortunate to find this treasure from such a gifted child. And how blessed you were to have known that soul for 21 years.
    This past summer I was cleaning out a closet and found a couple of pictures of my son, a surprising treat because I though all had been destroyed when his house burned down (during his chemo). One of the photos was taken on South Padre Island which his then girlfriend (love of his life) – a very beautiful romantic depiction. I have framed it and put it by my bed, so I know sometimes when I fall asleep, he can still hear me. We never stop missing them Lucia. Blessings to you and your Elizabeth. Luv and luz, Lizzi


    1. Oh Lizzi, how wonderful to find photo like that! Such a blessing these treasures, reminding us of the details and sweetness of their lives, and also their presence with us now. Many blessings to you too. thank you. Love, Lucia


  2. So beautiful and how incredible that you found it. Interesting, I recently found recipes of my mother’s from long, long ago, that triggered so many memories of the two of us together and how much I loved her (and still do). It seems that the special bond between mothers and daughters has been on both our minds at the same time.


      1. They are the best kind of treasure, absolutely. We are both lucky to have them in our possession and in our hearts and memories.


  3. Beautiful. What an important message for you to have found. To know she came to this thinking thanks to you and appreciated your mothering, but mostly that she loved you deeply and completely.


  4. Lucia
    How very beautiful and touching this is. Wonderfully entitled “treasures “. Treasures beyond anything on earth, the love for you expressed by your daughter. Aren’t you glad she couldn’t reach you by phone? These words are there to forever send you heavenly kisses.


    1. Thank you Debe! Yes, treasures for sure! I am grateful that I have these words to reflect on and read whenever I need…she is definitely guiding me still! love and aloha, Lucia


  5. What a precious gift you two shared.Great beauty and great sadness.What you two had and you are able to share with us gives me an inkling of the feelings shared between a mother and daughter.I only had that for ten years with my mother and yet I still have that connection with her.It is an eternity.No beginning and no ending.Blessings.


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