I’ve been feeling exceedingly sad today, and the last couple of days, and I had a few ideas of what might be contributing, including one of my dearest, most beloved friends about to have surgery for cancer for the third time. It’s also coming up on the anniversary of my father’s death, which continues to […]
Read moreKneeling in the Ocean
Kneeling in the ocean I feel you in the clouds I see the rain coming from far away A big grey cloud of darkness and tears The rain coming down so hard it hurts my skin My arms reaching above the ocean water In the in-between of fresh and salt Exactly where they meet My red toes […]
Read morethis week
This week, I am crying at every little thing. Even sitting down to write a blog post makes me teary, and there’s nothing I’m particularly sad about in this moment. This week I am staying up late watching full seasons of shows I like, family dramas especially, and sobbing through them. So much emotion – […]
Read moreWhat Would Be Elizabeth’s 25th Birthday
I have been remarkably quiet here for some time. Not that I don’t have anything to say, but I’ve felt somehow paralyzed. There are some days filled with joy and gratitude – full and hopeful, and I don’t have much to say about them. There are days filled with deep sorrow, my eyes filling with […]
Read moreSecond Anniversary
9/18/14 I am over the Pacific Ocean as I write, traveling from my home on Maui to Berkeley, California. My mother, in her wisdom, proposed the lovely idea of gathering in the Bay Area, inviting me to join her there, along with my sister who lives close by. My oldest friend and Elizabeth’s godmother lives […]
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Facing My Own Mortality
Here’s the background: for the past three years I’ve had a bony bump on my forehead. It didn’t hurt or grow much, changed little, and mostly I ignored it. It started to bother me when I saw it in photographs, and to assuage my vanity, I looked into having it removed. I was pretty sure […]
Read moreThe Shadow Side of Love
I’m crying before I even start to type. I’ve been avoiding this blog for months, knowing this post needs to be written and holding off as long as possible. It’s hard to write about the difficult aspects of my relationship with my first-born daughter Elizabeth, and yet I feel compelled to paint a full picture, […]
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Gratitude
Today I am in deep gratitude. For Elizabeth, for life, for death and the ways it shapes us and transforms us. I have cried tears of gratitude twice already this morning. I am inspired to write. It is a good day. I just read an email from a dear friend of my daughter Elizabeth’s, with […]
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Luminous Blue 