I am very aware these days of moving back and forth between two aspects of myself, two archetypes: one is the Mother, the personal self, the one who grieves deeply, who is angry and sad, who misses my daughter Elizabeth, who truly cannot comprehend that she could be gone, that she died. The other is the Wise Woman aspect, the one who is completely at peace, who knows that Elizabeth finished everything she came here to do, that she is at peace, that she was always aware on some level that she wouldn’t be alive very long and was prepared for death at 22; that she is communicating with us, teaching me, even more present and available to me now than she was in life.
I am so grateful for both of these selves. When I am fully in one, there is a witness self who can remember that there is more than the perspective I hold in the moment. I can see that if I didn’t have the ability to access, or simply remember, the Wise Woman, I could be in hell when the Mother is present, at least when she is deep in the grief process, but with the awareness that there is another one present, I know that whatever I’m in is not forever, and that makes all the difference. Even when the Wise Woman is fully present, I am grateful for the Mother aspect bearing witness, as she is the one who connects with Elizabeth as she was in body, who remembers her love, her attitude, her intelligence, and allows for the personal aspects to remain.
Sometimes I can move between the two in a matter of moments, as when I was working with a client the other day, and the Wise Woman self was present, working from a loving, heart-centered place, listening, and not involved in my own story. When my client asked about Elizabeth though, having seen a photo, or read about her, I moved into the personal Mother aspect, talking about her, allowing the tears to come, and then shifting back to the transpersonal. Since Elizabeth’s birthday on January 12, I am more often in that place of the personal, with tears close to the surface much of the time. I just received a text from someone whose young brother in law is in coma, and she was offering her sympathies about Elizabeth, and that made me burst into tears…and then pause, center, shift, and I’m back in this place of peace and gratitude.
I am so grateful for the years of practice of heart-centering. I know that has made an immense difference. That from the heart center, I don’t get pulled back and forth, that the heart-center can hold all the aspects of myself, all the archetypes who are present. I am blessed to have wise and wonderful friends who listen and guide me. I am grateful to have time and space to explore these places, to go deep into the Mother self, allowing the grief to move through, and to have access to the Wise Woman archetype/self, finding the gifts and the gems within this process, knowing that there is more to come, knowing from experience that the heart-opening pain brings immense joy and gifts beyond our imagination.
8 thoughts on “The Mother and the Wise Woman”
What you are going through is so hard. Losing a child is the most painful experience anyone can have. I know you feel Elizabeth’s Spirit as I feel the Spirits of those I’ve lost, but it isn’t the same as having them physically present. You are wise in understanding that you have to go through the grieving process in order to come out the other end. You are an inspiration to all mothers and grandmothers. Thank you, Lucia.
Thank you Michele. I so appreciate your thoughtful comments. I am grateful to be at the stage of my life where I know that expressing the emotion is far less painful than trying to keep it in.
I am stuck in Mother mode. I envy you your Wise Woman persona. I sense your grief, anger and yet peace.
It moves in waves… some days I am stuck in Mother mode too, and then by grace, it shifts. You have a Wise Woman persona too, I see her in your writings…she’s there!
You are a beautiful writer, a beautiful soul, and from what I can see… A beautiful mother:)
This post was so moving I sent it to my brother who had lost his son to melanoma ( and to the brother that had a lung tumor removed last summer)…..you truly are such a wise woman.
Thank you, and thank you for sharing this. I hope it gives some comfort and solace to your brothers.